I suppose I have an awful lot to be thankful for.  Although it’s not easy for us freelancers, I’ve now learned (finally) to stop worrying about where the next contract is coming from.  Sooner or later, one turns up.  I do still worry that I’m not being proactive enough about finding new and exciting work opportunities, but things always make their way to me before I have the chance to do something about it.  I know that won’t always be the case.  Call this part of a new drive, then, to increase my profile, seek out those new and exciting ventures!  Until tomorrow, when I start a new contract and won’t have time for anything else.

There have been some truly amazing shows over the last year or so.  An incredible three-months on an epic “small-scale” (arf arf) tour.  Some super projects with young people (which, selfishly, is an area I never thought I would want to work in, but I’ve been happily proved wrong).  Oh, and a bonkers site-specific promenade performance of a Philip Glass opera set in an aircraft hangar.  Risk assess THAT one.

And it looks like the fun’s going to continue well into the new year.  The ubiquitous christmas show will be followed by a tour with some old friends, initially to London, and then later to the Middle East (which I am completely petrified about, never having toured on that scale before, so I am taking every snippet of advice I can get).  There is one company in particular whose books I’m extremely lucky to be on.  I owe an awful lot of my working existence to them.  I think, unfortunately, there will come a time when I need to say no to them (although it will kill me to do it), because although the projects I work on with them are great, I do feel very “safe” there, and I’m generally a bit weary of feeling “safe”.  I don’t know.  Perhaps it’s my Scottish genes making me suspicious of good things.  Gift horses, etc.

Anyhoo, watch this space.  I FULLY intend to blog much more now (and I know I know I’ve said that before but I really do mean it this time, honest).  And in the meantime, if anyone has any tips for touring in Abu Dhabi, please pass them this way!

I’ve been extremely lucky in my first 12 months to have been able to find fairly steady work doing something I studied and love.  Even during the odd bad contract, the positives have always greatly outweighed the negatives.

I found myself recently gaining employment via word of mouth from a fellow SM.  The company had a great reputation creating promenade-style site-specific theatre on a large scale, doing some really different things that I knew would challenge and inspire me, as well as push me in a new direction.  It should have been the perfect job.  The cast were delightful to work with, exremely professional, appreciative, but also great fun.  The Production Manager who had employed me was working elsewhere, and his wife ran the show.  The only other members of the technical or production team were a designer, costume maker, lighting designer & sound designer.

I was expected to be in rehearsals when possible whilst also building the sets (all outdoors, in the middle of a forest), and making and sourcing props – there were no ASMs, no set-builders, no crew.  We’re used to mucking in though, as Stage Managers!  I rather like working in small teams, as long as there is a supportive framework in place (even when it’s a support team of just one person supervising).

At the peak of  three weeks of pre-production & rehearsals, I had been working on average 14 hour days; one memorable week I clocked up 90 hours.  It’s hardly surprising that I ended up in hospital for three days halfway through this.  Unsurprisingly, considering the hours we put in, the resulting show was well put-together, smooth running and a great success with audiences.  Despite being exhausted, I could have bared it, as we all trusted one another.  Which is exactly when my relationship with the acting PM fell apart.  I don’t pretend to be a saint, but I always strive to remain neautral, enthusiastic, calm and professional at all times in this job, even when being shouted at by a PM, in front of the cast, for prolonged periods of time.  Which happened, regularly.  I went so far to try to please the PM, that even after apologising for someone else breaking a prop, or losing a battery pack, I would still go back to my digs wondering what else I could do to please her.  I was accused of being lazy and not being dedicated to the show, which is when I had had enough.  A polite request by myself to meet off-site to discuss our differences for the sake of the last week of performances resulted in a shockingly abusive and slanderous email.  I had had enough.  I wasn’t on a contract – the whole thing operated on trust – and I had nothing to gain by continuing in this environment.

I had lost all sense of self-worth, and was questioning my own abilities so much it was, ironically, starting to affect my abilities to perform well!  As a result of the constant negativity I was emotionally drained, filled with self-doubt, in ill-health, and physically shaking when she phoned in my “off-time” (midnight, in one case).  That night I packed my bags and handed in my notice.

I thought I had regained control by doing this.  The saving grace has been gaining re-employment with another company, who are  a wonderful group of performers and technicians, all of them appreciative and supportive, which bring out the best in me, which in turn makes me a better Stage Manager for them.

The terrible fact is that four months on, when left on my own for long periods of time, the whole event regularly comes back to me, and I am filled with self-doubt.  I hope that by writing this down I can now, finally, put it behind me.

I’ve been enjoying the diversity of work this brings – I certainly never thought I’d end up being a part of a Disney musical!  Even more surprising, is that I’ve enjoyed it immensely.

And it seems that this is key when working from day to day, is to always strive to enjoy it.  It’s not always possible, but there’s no point spending days in misery.  I chose to work in Stage Management – I want to make it work.

One of the first jobs turned out to be a mistake.  Very poorly managed, extremely hard work for no reward or recognition, and unsatisfying.  I’ve just been asked back in late 2010, and although at the moment I’m available, I strongly believe that beggars can be choosers: I won’t be returning.

It’s silly that a little thing like that can really help lift your day, and energise you into working better, but it does.  It also helps remind you that little things like chatting to cast members, asking how their recital went, really helps their day too.

The main way of doing this at present is to use the Macbook in rehearsals.  Although we are only on day 3 of rehearsals, it has been so much simpler to type rehearsal notes, cast timesheets, and personal notes straight up on the Macbook during the day, at quiet moments.  I’m not messing around looking for different pieces of unnecessary paper, and, crucially, a great amount of time is saved at the end of the day, when I would normally be typing up rehearsal notes and formatting them.  I estimate in these 3 days I’ve saved around 1 hour at the end of the day.  Of course, the next step would be to connect wirelessly to the internet, and send out notes directly and instantly from the rehearsal room. Unfortunately there is no wireless in the rehearsal rooms.  Wireless internet should really be installed in the rehearsal rooms to make this work fully.  This would also allow the possibilty of referencing props on the internet for the director whilst in the space, or resolving queries regarding language etc.

So, why does it happen?

There is a definite sense of being given the brush-off, and certainly a sense of superiority.  Is this just part of the set-up I shold expect?  I don’t think it needs to be.  Importantly, it’s usually the student casts I have dealt with who have had more professional and equal attitudes than the supposedly professionally-trained staff and creative teams.

However, fellow students in opera and music do sometimes look at you as if you were inadequate; as if my degree is less worthy because it perhaps isn’t as academic or ‘fine art’ as playing an instrument.  The funny thing is watching someone’s attitude change when they start speaking to you.

In a way this goes with job – as part of a technical team we have chosen not to be in the limelight.  But a little recognition of the work we do would be nice (work that is of equal importance to the actors, designers, or directors).

I really think that communication is key here.  It’s all very well to go home and blog about it, after somebody’s said something, but perhaps something needs to be said at the time.  It’s difficult, because by our very nature as technicians we don’t want to be obtrusive.  But a gentle reminder might help people realise that what we do is just as valuable.

1. to further my creative understanding of working in a different venue
2. to light a show as well as possible with a small stock

I feel that these have all been fulfilled, some more so than others. I think wanting to gain a greater understanding of working in a small venue was, in some respects, a little naive. The venue isn’t a ‘normal’ venue, and although this in itself is something to learn from, it’s not quite the same as walking into a regular set-up, with the stage and equipment already in situ.

I think as well as the objectives previously mentioned, I strongly feel that one of the most important things I have learned on this production was to enjoy it. I didn’t feel overly-stressed at any time (although a little can be healthy), and because most of the people working on this production came fron non-theatre backgrounds, there was a great sense of camaradrie, between the crew and the cast, which was refreshing.

Although this was to all extents an amateur show, that element is one of the most important things I have learned in my training, and something I will try hard to keep hold of in future productions.

The working environment was strange, and it took a while to slot in with the way the company worked.  Because time is limited, there are often a lot of people on stage doing catch-up jobs, whilst I may have been trying to focus, or plot, at the same time.

This wasn’t hugely problematic, but I think it taught me to be more tolerant and patient, and to realise that it’s not always possible to get pure time for lights.

I was also pleasantly surprised to be reminded that we were all ‘in it together’.  This might sound rather obvious, but as a student at the RSAMD it’s easy to fall into the way of not doing something because it’s not your job to do it.  Seeing people drop things to help me taught me to the same for them, and I see know that it makes for a much happier and relaxed team, as well as a greater collective sense of pride in our work.